In most divorces, there is conflict that is driven by emotion. Hurt, shame, guilt, and pure hatred and resentment cause a lot of conflict. One spouse can be hell bent on making the other spouse pay.
For instance, one spouse will get angry at the other because the other spouse is a few minutes late to a child exchange, even if it was a legitimate reason. Next thing you know, the angry spouse is filing an ex parte order for a change in custody. Now you either have to go to Court or have to pay an attorney to go to Court to defend it.
If this sounds like you, take control by not buying into the drama. You need to take control.
So how do you stop this? Easy. You get stricter Court orders that become default rules for certain situations. For instance, in the above example of being late, you can have an order hat says that a party cannot go back to Court for being late unless they are over 15 minutes late one, or late three times in a three month period. If such an order is in place, you have some protection from a simple mistake. Also, the other spouse has some assurances that if the behavior of being late becomes a pattern, they can go back to Court.
By having well written orders in place you can avoid a lot of problems in the future. Holiday schedules, vacation schedules, and first right of refusal orders can help avoid conflict.
Of course, if you are with a narcissist, then nothing you can do will ever be right. But you can ask the Court to make more exacting orders to avoid these types of conflict in the future. Most judges do not want your business. They do not want to see you as a frequent flier in their courtrooms only to hear you say that the other parent should have as much time with their children because of a small issue.
If you are divorcing a narcissist, you may need to hire an attorney eventually who can shut their game down and ask for attorney’s fees to punish the other spouse for being frivolous.
If you want to read more about divorcing a narcissist, read the book by Karyl McBride PH.D. titled “Will I Ever Be Free of You?” It will help you understand your enemy, understand why you cannot play into their game, and why you need to take control.
Sean Musgrove is a Family Law Attorney in Folsom, CA. He is rated on Avvo. Here is his link: